Rabbi D. came to town for 48 hours to find a house to rent and to attend the Transition Committee meeting (among other things). She found a place -- not far from me as it happens, and even got things straightened out with the cantor, so overall very successful.
Two concerns, though, one about us and one about her.
Us: I found myself in position of go-between between our cantor and new rabbi. He had a myriad of complaints about her visit here (mostly due to poor communication and his being a putz) and he did himself no favors with the ungracious way he behaved during her Shabbat visit. Guess who was the one to bring up his unacceptable behavior, a month after the fact? Temple president? No. Search Committee chair? No. VP of Administration? No, no, no. It was me. This is typical. If people are upset with someone's behavior, they'll talk about it behind their back but no one will inform them about it.
Her: Boy, she is different. Rabbi M. is very formal, very private and has boundaries a mile thick. Except for the shivas when his parents died, no one set foot in his house. Except for the big donors and temple presidents, nobody called him by his first name. If you saw him at a restaurant or something outside the temple, it was a bit awkward (especially if you were eating traif!).
Rabbi D. said during the Transition Committee meeting that she wanted to have people to her house, to be invited to Shabbat and holiday dinners, to come to our block parties and generally be enmeshed in our lives. She is a divorced mom of a daughter starting college, so she is pretty much on her own and looking for company. Different, in a good way. I think it's great.
But, on the way back to the airport, we discussed her last relationship, JDate, and if she wanted to be fixed up with people. I mentioned a sweet guy in our congregation who is in her age range, but "of course you're not allowed to date a congregant." She's like, well, until the last few years it was accepted, and it's not really forbidden, so why not? And I reiterated the wise saying, "don't poop where you eat." Whoa.
If she knew my particular issues in this area, she would know why I was so against it. I was not intending to tell her my story for at least six months, but it might have to be sooner.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
The Cantor
The Cantor is not a big fan of the new rabbi.
His first impression was that she would lead us to be too Reform-y (not a real word, I know).
During her weekend visit he basically undermined her "audition" and showed his aggravation at departures she made from the "script." Even though he trained as an actor, he openly showed his aggravation and contempt. He did himself no favors with this behavior, especially since that week's Torah portion was about welcoming the stranger in our midst. The search committee was livid that he might have undermined a promising candidate.
So yesterday he comes up to me and asks for a meeting, saying that I should "straighten him out." This is going to be interesting. He and I have a complicated relationship. He's been a mentor and friend, but he has also disappointed and damaged me. It took a long time, but we've gotten back to "cordial and professional" and that is where I hope we stay.
What matters most is that he is able to have a good, trusting, professional working relationship with her. I hope she challenges him to grow and be the really good cantor that he could possibly be. They have a lot in common -- a performance background, a divorce, a child starting college. There is always tension between rabbis and cantors, but a bad partnership could hurt the congregation.
His first impression was that she would lead us to be too Reform-y (not a real word, I know).
During her weekend visit he basically undermined her "audition" and showed his aggravation at departures she made from the "script." Even though he trained as an actor, he openly showed his aggravation and contempt. He did himself no favors with this behavior, especially since that week's Torah portion was about welcoming the stranger in our midst. The search committee was livid that he might have undermined a promising candidate.
So yesterday he comes up to me and asks for a meeting, saying that I should "straighten him out." This is going to be interesting. He and I have a complicated relationship. He's been a mentor and friend, but he has also disappointed and damaged me. It took a long time, but we've gotten back to "cordial and professional" and that is where I hope we stay.
What matters most is that he is able to have a good, trusting, professional working relationship with her. I hope she challenges him to grow and be the really good cantor that he could possibly be. They have a lot in common -- a performance background, a divorce, a child starting college. There is always tension between rabbis and cantors, but a bad partnership could hurt the congregation.
The Female Factor
I sent out the press releases on Rabbi Robin last week, and following the lead of her former congregation we did not stress the Female Thing at all. I think that is fair enough, because she is far more than her gender, but for good and ill, it is newsworthy.
The Conservative Movement started ordaining female rabbis in 1985. There is a congregation in the northern suburbs that has had a female rabbi for 20 years. But she has been the only one in a senior rabbi (not assistant) position in the Chicago area until now.
Though the overwhelming sentiment among the congregants is that having a woman rabbi is pretty cool, there are some who don't like it. My hope is that for every one who leaves, two or three will give us a look and join.
Looking back, it's funny to contemplate that I wanted a woman from the get-go, though the first dozen resumes we got last fall were all from men. I thought, "oh well," especially when we did get a resume from a woman -- she looked strange on paper but interviewed well -- and when we invited her for an in-person interview she ended up being tone-deaf and out-there.
When our two lead candidates came for visits (this was in February), both guys, it was almost a certainty we'd have a male rabbi. And I was fine with that. But funny how it all works out. They both turned us down, and just when we despaired that we'd be stuck with another year of Rabbi M., her resume appeared like manna from heaven.
The Conservative Movement started ordaining female rabbis in 1985. There is a congregation in the northern suburbs that has had a female rabbi for 20 years. But she has been the only one in a senior rabbi (not assistant) position in the Chicago area until now.
Though the overwhelming sentiment among the congregants is that having a woman rabbi is pretty cool, there are some who don't like it. My hope is that for every one who leaves, two or three will give us a look and join.
Looking back, it's funny to contemplate that I wanted a woman from the get-go, though the first dozen resumes we got last fall were all from men. I thought, "oh well," especially when we did get a resume from a woman -- she looked strange on paper but interviewed well -- and when we invited her for an in-person interview she ended up being tone-deaf and out-there.
When our two lead candidates came for visits (this was in February), both guys, it was almost a certainty we'd have a male rabbi. And I was fine with that. But funny how it all works out. They both turned us down, and just when we despaired that we'd be stuck with another year of Rabbi M., her resume appeared like manna from heaven.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Anticipation
The board voted (not unanimously, alas) to hire Rabbi D. on Wednesday, May 12. But the contract was not yet signed and the old rabbi was having his big farewell Rabbi-Palooza that weekend, so after much discussion it was decided to wait.
A lot of people -- Marc and Barb in particular -- gave lovely testimonials that almost melted my cold, cold heart. He is a scholar and a gentleman, no doubt about it. But so ineffectual. So tolerant of bad behavior, so afraid of conflict. And as a speaker -- snore city.
We'll announce Sunday afternoon, the 16th -- no, Monday morning -- no wait, the background check hasn't come back -- TA DAAAA! The announcement went out Monday evening.
I was elated for five minutes, then thought: "Oh no, what if she doesn't work out?"
Musical tribute to the search committee:
She's up on the bimah all Shabbat long
Davening and speaking and chanting a song
All the search committee thinks she's really neat
Even when she doesn't stand on both of her feet
Rabbi Robin
Rabbi Robin
Welcome Rabbi Robin to (our temple)
We waited to announce 'til everything was signed
Even though we thought we'd go out of our mind
Negotiating contracts doesn't happen fast
Now we get to spread the good news at last
Rabbi Robin
Rabbi Robin
Rabbi Robin's coming here to (our temple)
Many months of interviews and visits too
Feeling so excited and then feeling blue
Hoping for a rabbi who would fit the bill
Who could have guessed we would do so well?
Mazel Tov to Larry who led the way
He always knew exactly what to do and say
Thanks to all of you who made it fun
It makes me almost sorry that we are done
Rabbi Robin
Rabbi Robin
She's gonna kick some tuches here at (our temple).
A lot of people -- Marc and Barb in particular -- gave lovely testimonials that almost melted my cold, cold heart. He is a scholar and a gentleman, no doubt about it. But so ineffectual. So tolerant of bad behavior, so afraid of conflict. And as a speaker -- snore city.
We'll announce Sunday afternoon, the 16th -- no, Monday morning -- no wait, the background check hasn't come back -- TA DAAAA! The announcement went out Monday evening.
I was elated for five minutes, then thought: "Oh no, what if she doesn't work out?"
Musical tribute to the search committee:
She's up on the bimah all Shabbat long
Davening and speaking and chanting a song
All the search committee thinks she's really neat
Even when she doesn't stand on both of her feet
Rabbi Robin
Rabbi Robin
Welcome Rabbi Robin to (our temple)
We waited to announce 'til everything was signed
Even though we thought we'd go out of our mind
Negotiating contracts doesn't happen fast
Now we get to spread the good news at last
Rabbi Robin
Rabbi Robin
Rabbi Robin's coming here to (our temple)
Many months of interviews and visits too
Feeling so excited and then feeling blue
Hoping for a rabbi who would fit the bill
Who could have guessed we would do so well?
Mazel Tov to Larry who led the way
He always knew exactly what to do and say
Thanks to all of you who made it fun
It makes me almost sorry that we are done
Rabbi Robin
Rabbi Robin
She's gonna kick some tuches here at (our temple).
Sunday, May 2, 2010
A long strange trip
The search committee is probably the only temple committee that had to be applied for. The temple president and committee chair picked 20 people to be on it. It was a big group -- even with the two or three who seldom showed up) -- but it turned out to be a great team. We rarely disagreed with each other and when we did it was done respectfully. Each one brought his or her own strengths and knowledge to the table, whether that was religion, business, institutional memory, or psychological insight.
We looked at about 18 resumes, did about eight phone interviews, saw four candidates in person, and hosted three weekend visits.
We began by creating a survey for the congregation and hosting three focus groups. We needed to learn what the people wanted in a rabbi and why. We interviewed each member of the staff as well. This information and more went into the 18-page "questionnaire" that we submitted to the Rabbinical Assembly. Pretty much everything we could say about the temple, from the physical space, to the surrounding community, to our greatest strengths and weaknesses, went into this document. Those of us who worked on it got a bit testy if a candidate asked a question that we covered in this comprehensive document.
People wanted someone inspiring, who was approachable and good with kids. They wanted a good speaker and someone who would be innovative and imaginative. Basically, they wanted the opposite of Rabbi M.
This work was done in the spring and summer of 2009. The resumes started coming in after the High Holidays.
We looked at about 18 resumes, did about eight phone interviews, saw four candidates in person, and hosted three weekend visits.
We began by creating a survey for the congregation and hosting three focus groups. We needed to learn what the people wanted in a rabbi and why. We interviewed each member of the staff as well. This information and more went into the 18-page "questionnaire" that we submitted to the Rabbinical Assembly. Pretty much everything we could say about the temple, from the physical space, to the surrounding community, to our greatest strengths and weaknesses, went into this document. Those of us who worked on it got a bit testy if a candidate asked a question that we covered in this comprehensive document.
People wanted someone inspiring, who was approachable and good with kids. They wanted a good speaker and someone who would be innovative and imaginative. Basically, they wanted the opposite of Rabbi M.
This work was done in the spring and summer of 2009. The resumes started coming in after the High Holidays.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Processing
We found a rabbi.
It took over a year, a bajillion meetings, lots of money and hours of work. But we found one. A good one. I'm trying not to get too excited, because the contract has not yet been finalized, but it's looking very promising.
I was the recording secretary for the search committee -- and now have become chair of the transition committee. Can you tell that I don't have a real job? The Rabbinical Assembly (the Conservative rabbbis' union) has published a pamphlet on the transition process that suggests that we use journaling as a method of processing our feelings during the transition from old rabbi to new.
Our temple is Conservative, Midwestern, medium-sized -- all pretty much in the middle of the range of all temples. Of course, we are special in our own way. A lovely building, a mostly really smart and caring membership, and lots of unrealized potential.
Rabbi M. has led our congregation for just over 20 years. He announced his retirement in February of 2009. A scholar and a mensch, he is well liked. But -- how can I say this gently? -- he's not a great speaker, not a strong leader, and has pretty much been riding out the clock for the last five years at least. I can't think of a program he has started, or any interesting or innovative ideas he has suggested.
He, like many in our community, is afraid of conflict, and will do the utmost to avoid it. This means a lot of bare-minimum effort and outright bad behavior has occurred on his watch.
I realize, and have often said, that a rabbi's job description is so vast and varied that no one person can possibly excel at all of it. Large synagogues that have the luxury of a senior rabbi and an assistant rabbi can divide the duties according to their strengths. How can one person be a good speaker, a pastoral counselor, the leader and manager of an institution, good with kids, middle-aged people and seniors alike, a scholar, and inspirer, a creative programmer and a fundraiser? It's a lot to expect.
That said, there's some anger at Rabbi M. that I guess I need to process and let go of. My children, now in adolescence, were not inspired to learn or get more involved because the rabbi never showed up in their classrooms, and they never set foot in his office until their b'nai mitzvah. The cantor (more showman than clergyman) does the bare minimum, and he (and the board, to be fair) never called him out on it, but rather shrugged their collective shoulders and said "oh well." It's that conflict-avoidance thing again.
Six years ago, two rotten things happened (no need to get into them here) and though neither one was the rabbi's fault, both could have been handled with less damage and pain to individuals and the institution if he hadn't been so tolerant of unacceptable behavior. "The fish rots from the head," as my husband used to say. The leader of an organization (especially the clergy) has the right and the need to say -- "Hey, this is wrong. Stop it now."
It took over a year, a bajillion meetings, lots of money and hours of work. But we found one. A good one. I'm trying not to get too excited, because the contract has not yet been finalized, but it's looking very promising.
I was the recording secretary for the search committee -- and now have become chair of the transition committee. Can you tell that I don't have a real job? The Rabbinical Assembly (the Conservative rabbbis' union) has published a pamphlet on the transition process that suggests that we use journaling as a method of processing our feelings during the transition from old rabbi to new.
Our temple is Conservative, Midwestern, medium-sized -- all pretty much in the middle of the range of all temples. Of course, we are special in our own way. A lovely building, a mostly really smart and caring membership, and lots of unrealized potential.
Rabbi M. has led our congregation for just over 20 years. He announced his retirement in February of 2009. A scholar and a mensch, he is well liked. But -- how can I say this gently? -- he's not a great speaker, not a strong leader, and has pretty much been riding out the clock for the last five years at least. I can't think of a program he has started, or any interesting or innovative ideas he has suggested.
He, like many in our community, is afraid of conflict, and will do the utmost to avoid it. This means a lot of bare-minimum effort and outright bad behavior has occurred on his watch.
I realize, and have often said, that a rabbi's job description is so vast and varied that no one person can possibly excel at all of it. Large synagogues that have the luxury of a senior rabbi and an assistant rabbi can divide the duties according to their strengths. How can one person be a good speaker, a pastoral counselor, the leader and manager of an institution, good with kids, middle-aged people and seniors alike, a scholar, and inspirer, a creative programmer and a fundraiser? It's a lot to expect.
That said, there's some anger at Rabbi M. that I guess I need to process and let go of. My children, now in adolescence, were not inspired to learn or get more involved because the rabbi never showed up in their classrooms, and they never set foot in his office until their b'nai mitzvah. The cantor (more showman than clergyman) does the bare minimum, and he (and the board, to be fair) never called him out on it, but rather shrugged their collective shoulders and said "oh well." It's that conflict-avoidance thing again.
Six years ago, two rotten things happened (no need to get into them here) and though neither one was the rabbi's fault, both could have been handled with less damage and pain to individuals and the institution if he hadn't been so tolerant of unacceptable behavior. "The fish rots from the head," as my husband used to say. The leader of an organization (especially the clergy) has the right and the need to say -- "Hey, this is wrong. Stop it now."
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