TMI

She's finally here, and it's been going really well. She delivers a great sermon that takes the principles from the Torah portion and relates it to our modern lives. She has upped the warmth of our services by having guests and visitors identify themselves and having us introduce ourselves to each other. Some find it a little church-y, but it is a form of in-reach that helps build kehiliah (community).

In June the Transition Committee set up 10 parlor meetings, formed a sort of welcome wagon to get her unpacked and settled in, and planned a big Kiddush for her first Shabbat. We had 130 people, a huge number for a holiday weekend. The energy and excitement were palpable.

I sometimes wonder if Rabbi M. is peeved that we chose someone who is the polar opposite of him.

As chair of the transition committee, I was in pretty constant contact with her. And we've become very friendly. I've been to her house (to help her unpack), she's been to mine (to use my computer when hers wasn't set up yet, and to visit me as I recovered from a July 4 car accident). I called her from the ER to ask for her prayers, and she and the congregation truly delivered. Between the prayers, vitamins, and loving care of Super Hubby, I've healed very rapidly.

But yesterday I had a weepy day. I was so lucky that I was not seriously injured (or that I didn't seriously injure anyone else) that I don't feel like I have the right to complain, but it was a very stressful experience nonetheless. While out for a walk a passing ambulance with a siren blaring brought me to tears. I cried on and off the rest of the day.

She had asked to come by later and check in on me (on her day off) and I thought that I might talk to her about how I was feeling but I don't believe she ever asked. She spent the whole evening talking about herself. I heard about her ex husband the alcoholic epileptic, the abuse that she and her daughter both experienced in childhood, the stress of single parenthood. If she were not my rabbi, I would have been touched that she could be so open with me. But this is me we're talking about, with my very complicated history in clergy/congregant friendship, and my issues with female friends who have lots of crazy going on (Jolaine, Barbara, etc.) so I felt a little bit anxious.

"Rabbis are people too," she said, and she's absolutely right. I am just a little hypervigilant and aware of the danger signs. I have a tendency to idealize people and then get disappointed. So now perhaps I'm doing the opposite, looking for faults so I don't get disappointed again.